Tuesday, December 30, 2014

The Fall's Motown Era*

If I don't love the Fall like RL Burnside or Flannery O'Conner then grits ain't....

Still...not even I can find the sexy there. Grooves? Yes! Grooves that cut deeper than the Mariana Trench but...sesssy?

No...I don't think so. Soul? It's hard to have Soul when you're laying waste to every thing in your path.

That's where Jonathan Fire* Eater comes in...to give us a glimpse, five seconds maybe...and they flicker out.

"A girl had a seizure there.../she was putting on her make up in the club car/There's make up everywhere...You little Princess"

Is his brother a cross-dresser or a werewolf?

Killed by hype before anybody knew who they were...the hoopla was ridiculous. Matador scoffed...but, only after they'd failed to singed them. They signed to a major label...released a fantastic but unappreciated album and then disappeared.

In the aftermath we got the Walkmen...eh.

*Stax woulda signed 'em.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The Great Storm of 1987

This weekend, with evidently nothing better to do, The Boy sat down to watch The Weather Channel feature...10 Worst Hurricanes Ever! A certain curiosity with these things is to be expected around here.

A very pregnant Martha next to a downed live oak after tornadoes in 08.
Hurricanes are a regular feature of this part of the country and when they come they dominate the news...and they are featured events in people's lives and a recurring topic of conversation. Of course, a storm has to be a real monster to reach Jackson as a hurricane. Katrina managed it at Category 2.

The view from our driveway in Spring of 08.

The most direct threat for us is tornadoes. There were two (edit:make that five) yesterday down around Hattiesburg. So interest in severe weather is natural. He's a little obsessed though. This is Martha's doing but we shame her here...at least not at Christmas time.

Anyway, after watching the show and after 800 more questions about Katrina, he has begun to fixate on the Great Storm of 1987...a Hurricane (like?) storm in England has struck him as very curious and he's telling everybody about it and then asking questions. Like I said :coughMarthacough: he's got some weather issues.

I told him I knew where we could get some answers....Q.

No that didn't help (well it helped me..to force coffee through my nasal cavity...my favorite of the weather forcasts). I told him I'd ask y'all about. Anything you can convey about your own experience with the Storm will be passed on an much appreciated.

And Merry Christmas y'all.

Ice Cream taste better when you got no 'lectricity...and when you're pregnant.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Have Eye Nawwt

Most of the Southern accents you hear in the movies and T.V. are nonsense...as bad as anything that came out of Dick Van Dyke's mouth in Mary Poppins. These people are rarely Southerners anyway and, until very recently, if you were a Southerner and wanted to be in the movies, t.v. or broadcasting...you were instructed to get the Cotton Boll or the Peach Pit out of your mouth.

Things have been changing....not only are you hearing real Southern accents but, we're starting to get Southern stories (as opposed to stories about The South). Rectify from A&E was outstanding. Not only did the people in South Georgia sound like Southerners and eat dinner in the middle of the day and say pea-can instead of puhcahn (according to my Little Granny...only uppity people from Atlanta said puhchan)...they communicated like Southerners. What wasn't said was often more important than what was....and what was said usually conveyed a Truth beyond the facts of the sentence.

MUD....not a Movie about The South but, a Southern story...Love and Faith and Violence...coded violence...Retribution and Honor...the Grotesque.

Even now that you hear more actual Southern accents on the T.V. and in Broadcasting...you rarely get an unadulterated listen. People do have to understand you if you're conveying information. That brings us to The Paul Finebaum Show and Tammy.

Finebaum started doing radio in Alabama...like twenty years ago. A sports show. A sports show in Alabama means a show about SEC football in general and the year round rivalry between Alabama and Auburn specifically. It soon became infamous...not only was Paul well connected and unafraid (an Alabama Football coach tried to get him fired...Kenny Stabler threatened to kill him) he took a fiendish delight in letting the callers run wild. It worked...because he's as dry as a Water Cracker...a straight man for a region full of gleefully unhinged people.

When the SEC started it's own network, in co1njunction with ESPN, this year...Paul's Show went national. People have gone nuts for it. National sportscasters are eagerly getting into public spats with local callers...and Charles from Realtown, Alabama...Jim from Tuscaloosa...Phylis are being regularly quoted on Sports Center.

If these people only knew what the show used to be like...when it was regional.

That brings us to Tammy. A long time caller*...her and Paul have been picking at one another for years. Tammy..she's got a cotton boll the size of a softball between her cheek and gum...she don't give a damn whether you can understand her or not. A pure, unadulterated Southern accent for your delight.


*I'll have to dig up her call about "teabagging" and the one where she threatens to run through Auburn naked...naykid...showing everybody her fanny.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

You've Been Complicated

The first in a series of post concerning my favorite records.
Chrome - Half Machine Lip Moves (1979)

Some of my favorite songs appear elsewhere...Slip it to the Android, Animal, Something Rhythmic...but this is my favorite collection of songs by Chrome and one of my favorite "albums".*


Dig it...after almost a minute of gurgled moans and scrapes...the lights come on and they rip the MC5 a brand new a**hole.

Just as suddenly, it descends back into the muck...evidently to murder those riffs because the song reemerges with their entrails laid over an mechanical beat. It's deconstruction...not as an intellectual exercise but as an act of pure malice. It is completely unnerving, disorienting...and it is glorious.

Half Machine is a companion piece to Alien Soundtracks...a tighter grip on the idea. Found sound collages and industrial beats...bludgeoning these scuzzy riffs with a wrench. It's the sound of The Stooges in the process of being assimilated by the Borg.

This isn't an album that I merely enjoy...it's one that was written specifically for me. It's a record that fits perfectly into a space in my brain. There aren't many of those...but, there's enough to make a list out of.


* I really don't like albums...or I hate the idea of The Album. I'll take as many good songs as I can get but, this standard of releasing 8 to 20 songs as a coherent artistic, Artistic, statement every year is nonsense and ruination. It's a ridiculous standard that has eventually embarrassed everybody...including Mark E Smith and Prince. 
We all know who's to blame for this bull s***!

The last truly great Pavement release was a throw-off maxi-single...songs that were intended for the Silver Jews. There's a reason singles and EPs are so much fun. They don't bear the burden of being an Album...no ponderous bits forced into the aural narrative...tedious filler...just songs.

That's not to say it never works...I mean we have started with an album here but there will also be EPs and maybe even compilations. I refuse to adhere to the standard.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Florida v Florida State

I've been worthless around here the last week...here and everywhere else. Martha and The Boy went up north last week to see her parents and every day they were gone I became more and more useless. I think it's my true nature.

Can't sit on my ass today though...today is Florida vs. Florida State. The Georgia Bulldogs are Florida's oldest rival...they are a respected rival from the SEC. There is no respect for Florida Sate...former teachers college that went co-ed to get G.I. Bill money...now known for it's first class circus school and not much else. Literally...if you want to be a clown, FSU is your school.

They've had some football teams though...when you have no admissions standards and you're willing to take on rapists and thieves. They haven't lost a game in two years...not since the Gators curb-stomped them in Tallahassee. They're back there today again...the town where I was born...where my hatred for these Johnny-Come-Lately-New-Money-Low-Rent-Elephant-Dung-Sweepers was born and festered for 13 years.

Go Gators!

Florida opts to kick the ball off and stones FSU on the 10 yard line.

The sight of these two teams excites me more than any other than sports. Neither teams have changed uniforms since at least 1979...it's looked the same since I can remember. I lived with these people and had to listen to their shit for 364 days a year. It mattered more than anything else to me when I was a kid...not much has changed.

The Seminoles got nothing out of that...punt clowns.

G&^ (&*(*&&*^(*&^*(!!!! Gators went hard after the punt and got a roughing the kicker penalty. First down Criminoles.

Replay shows it wasn't even a roughing penalty but, SHIT DON'T MATTER. INTERCEPTION!!!!

Gator ball on FSU 40.

Gator offense sucks balls...and then they tried some trick fake punt but they couldn't get the ball snapped in time. Same inept nonsense we've seen for the last three years but, will not be seeing next year. The coach has mercifully been fired.

Lined back up for a field goal and split the uprights.

Gators 3 - F$U 0

WHAT AN INTERCEPTION. HAHAHAHAHAHA Two possessions...two turnovers!!!

Gator Ball!

Toss to Pittman...1st down Gators.

What an effort...first down Gators.

Another three points for the Gators.

Gators 6 - FSU 0

The Gators are on that ass...they've backed FSU up for more yards than the Seminoles have gained.

D&&&& he smoked that dude. They are beating the crap out of FSU...they may not win the game but they're winning the fight.

Jameis Winston is running for his life out there...fsu punts again.

Gators dropped a bomb on you!

But they can't get any further...another field goal attempt. Knocked it down.

Gators 9 - fsu 0

FSU muffs the kickoff at the 10...then the Gators shut the door. FSU moving backwards again.

Then Jamies throws another interception...Gator ball on the 10...then the Gators throw an interception returned for a touchdown. MOTHER &Y*^(*&T%^(%^%V&*%^*^&*(^&*(^*&*)&YT*(&Y(

Gators 9 - fsu 7

After a typical egregious no-call on FSU pass interference...the Gators punt.

I'm going to make the braising liquid for the ribs...before I start typing things I'll regret.

Seminoles are moving the ball now...on the Florida 10

Third and goal from the 10...touchdown f$u.

Gators 9 - fsu 14

They're getting chippy now...these kids have been playing football with and against each other since pee wee ball. There's a lot of animosity on the field and in the stands. Gators are gonna have to watch it though....fsu won't be called for nonsense by these ACC refs.

First down Gators...could they actually put a drive together.

Another third and long...they're trying to pound the ball...with the idea of wearing the defensive line down but...ef it. Interception.

FSU ball.
He knocked his wisdom teeth out on that one...but it's not really gonna matter.
Touchdown FSU...thank goodness it ends today...Muschamp won't e able to do anymore damage after today.
Gators 9 - fsu 21
We got a game again.
Gators 16 - fsu 21
Great return on the kick off for the Gators. Let's see if they can actually move the ball.
Dammit y'all they are moving the ball. Of course FSU was just obviously off sides and it wasn't called but now we have a holding call on the Gators. There's a reason ACC refs aren't allowed in Florida Field anymore.
Their still in scoring territory.
Another field goal.
Gators 19 - fsu 21
They are still beating the hell out of them physically...so that's something. They carryin' one of them boys off the field now.
Three and out...punt bitches punt.
You thought you had an interception..
Gators picked up another first down...but it's called back on a holding penalty. Of course.
Gators punt.

Commercial Break...

After ignoring a huge hold...they call unsportsmanlike on Florida. Bull SH&&&!

Unsportsmanlike on Gators....all total 25 yard penalty. This is full on ACC bullshit.
After the worst bull shit calls that took the Gators right out of field goal position they miss it. You can't play close with these bullshit people in Tallahassee...you will not stand a chance.
Punt criminoles...they'll probably find a way to give you the ball back.
Haha...they tried to fake it and were stoned.
Gator ball at midfield.
Just dropped a bomb on 'em.  They've got to move the ball though.
Wide right...another missed field goal.
FSU is moving the ball...less than six minutes left but, the Gator D has stiffened.
3rd and 18...stop these clowns.
FSU gets a field goal
Gators 19 - FSu 24
This is the situation...the Gators have less than four minutes to score a touchdown. They've scored one all day...right after a turn over. So they're gonna have to drive the field. Something they haven't really been able to do in the four years that Muschamp has been coaching them...but, this is his last three and a half minutes as coach.
Gators start on their own 20.
First down after scamper by Harris.
3rd and 8 yards to a first down...batted down pass.
4th down and 8...time out fsu.  The Gators have all their time outs but, for that to work, they'd have to put a three and out on FSU...not likely. So...they're going for it on 4th and 8....Sweet J...
Gator Ball at midfield...2:04 left.
Two plays...with two ridiculous over throws...it's like desperation. THere's plenty of time. Get your shit together.
Another pointless throw.  &^%&^&&&&^^^^^&&&
This is it...wide open...dropped it.
&^^%% ALL THIS!!!!

Saturday, November 22, 2014

The Game


I wanted to post a really smug picture but...I couldn't find one. Curse me for being so humble.
Today for the 131st time, Yale and Harvard will get down for what is the most storied rivalry in all of football...with an Ivy League Championship on the line.
Tackle football is a game that was born in colleges. Yale's first football team was fielded in 1871...one year after the Rugby Football Union was formed in England. It's part of the same the phenomenon...where various forms of football were being sorted out in the late 19th century. It's not a new game...and it owes a great deal to British expats in the U.S. and Canada.* Like rugby, at the time, the game was thought to be for the better sorts..."not like the coal miners' sons who played English football," as one commentator put it in the 1890's.
It was in the Ivy League and among other elite schools in the North East that game went from a chaotic form of rugby to the game none of you recognize today. Why weren't Southerners involved in the creation of a game they have come to utterly dominate? It's because of an episode that is totally unknown in US history classes...but euphemistically called Reconstruction. We were under occupation being bleed white.
Why am talking about this..I know this stuff and y'all don't care. Have some more old pictures and illustrations.

 Erik F. Bartlam, History MA, 04

*Canadians are not given the credit they deserve for helping to shape the game. Not only do they have their own league with a rich history...they developed crucial aspects of the game.

Yale receives the opening kickoff...they have the number one offense in the lower division they play in. Harvard has the number one scoring defense.

After a quick first down pick up...Yale is forced to punt. They were not forced to kick a crap punt but, they did it anyway.

You think Harvard could work another color into their uniforms...Crimson, Black, White, Gold. Tacky.

Tacky and just had to punt.

Commercial Break.

Dammit....Punt Block.

Harvard ball in the shadow of the endzone.

STONED....Harvard is moving backwards now. 3rd and goal from 11

 Harvard held to a field goal....disaster avoided.

Yale 0 - Harvard 3

Yale is moving the ball now.

HAHAHAHAH...Intelligence and football intelligence are not necessarily compatible. First down Yale because Harvard sent 12 men out on the field. Being able to count is obviously not a requirement for admission to Harvard.

First down and goal on the 6.


Yale 7 - Harvard 3

All because Harvard can't count...

End of the first quarter...
Yale 7 - Harvard 3
Three plays...three plays for a loss...punt. Yale ball on their own 45.

Idiot...move up field with the ball. 4th and 1. Yale takes a timeout.

First down Yale.

They are running all over these idiots.

Dammit...hang on to the ball. 4th and 17...ha they're going for it.

Keep falling on your face morons...we love that.
Ha. Harvard fumbles on the 5 yard line. You thought you were gonna score...
You suck!
First down Yale. 1:05 left in the half...y'all need to pick up the pace.
Yale 7 - Harvard 3
Shit...I got distracted during halftime.
Yale 7 - Harvard 10
Dodged a bullet there...blocked field goal.  Yale ball.
Crap...Yale punts.
This is starting to look shaky....
Yale 7 - Harvard 17
Alright, alright...three plays...three first downs.
I am going to eat my &^%%$$#$#ing car keys. The Yale receiver had the catch for a first down and then it was snatched away and returned for a touchdown.
Yale 7 - Harvard 24

Commercial Break...

Alright then Yale on the one...TOUCHDOWN!!!

Yale 14 - Harvard 24

Hahah...unsportsmanlike on Harvard....

First down Yale on the Harvard 10...this is still a ball game.


Yale 21 - Harvard 24

It's on now clowns.

Program note...Tomorrow 10:30am Hull City v Hotspurs.



That's another first down.

Field goal attempt coming up.....GOT IT!!!!  Tie ballgame.

Yale 24 - Harvard 24

1:31 left Harvard has the ball...3rd and 3.

S***. First down Harvard.

First down Harvard...they are getting nauseatingly close to field goal range.

KISS MY F&^%^^^I*NG GRITS...touchdown Harvard.

Yale 24 - Harvard 31

55 seconds left...that's all Yale has to work with.

First down Yale...out of bounds stops the clock.

Seven seconds...first down and out of bounds. Hot damn

Got it...and out of bounds at the Harvard 26. 20 seconds left.


I hate football.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Muck Raking.

From local Memphis TV in 1979 we have Straight Talk With Marge Thrasher...and she is having none of this nonsense. In fact, she's in a right tizzy about it. The Regal couple just seems confused.

Tav handles himself like the consummate Southern Gentleman that he is.

More important for our purposes here...are the "invisible performers" he's talking about. He's almost certainly talking about people like Charlie Feathers and his mentor Junior Kimbrough, Othar Turner, Jim Dickinson, Jessie Mae Hemphill and even our very own Alex Chilton there...and I have no doubt that R.L. Burnside was on his mind.*

 ** Snake Drive written by R.L. Burnside

It should be pointed out that Panther Burns is covering R.L. Burnside more than a decade before Bad Luck City and almost 15 years before Fat Possum Records.

Behind the Magnolia Curtain was released in 1981...the same year, you will of course remember, that The Fall were touring the US behind Grotesque and Slates...while also running through songs that would appear on Hex. You will also know that one of the greatest moments in the history of sound occurs on this tour...Winter..."that's an alcohol free lager...well, anyway I digress."

It was recorded at a show in Memphis, Tennessee...where Mark E Smith met our man Tav. Both were on Rough Trade and The Fall Online is convinced that Mark E Smith was introduced to the song Bourgeois Blues through the Panther Burns cover on Behind the Magnolia Curtain. If he owned that record...he heard Snake Drive.

This proves, beyond all reasonable doubt, that Mark E Smith was indeed completely obsessed with Hill Country Blues.

Here's where I drop the mic...wipe my hands of this nonsense and leave the room a champion.


*If you're a little confused by the geography...Memphis is in the extreme southwest corner of Tennessee bordered by Arkansas to the west and Mississippi to the south. The reason that everybody in Mississippi ends up in Memphis instead of Jackson is that The Delta and the Hill Country are within Memphis's sphere of influence. When they go to town...they don't go to Jackson they go to Memphis.

Special Thanks to Gronmark for the Hasil Adkins reference...which reminded me of Panther Burns...which led to me uncovering this fascinating rocknroll artifact.
** If Mississippi was a sound it would be this song...here's Jim Dickinsons boys, and Burnsides and Kimbroughs...burning Bonaroo down with it. Bonus Track.

Why'on't y'all deal with it!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Double Wide

The Sister gets ready for the game.

You couldn't even read this set of circumstances into a Nostradamus quatrain. We see it happening...still and don't believe it. The Mississippi State University Bulldogs, one of the most hapless and maligned programs in the history of SEC football, is undefeated and ranked NUMBER 1 in the nation.

Today they're in Tuscaloosa to face the hated Crimson Tide of Alabama...the most heralded team in SEC football. Alabama has the one loss to Ole Miss...but, they are still very much in the SEC and National Title hunt.

Alabama, because they're Alabama is favored by 8 points but, MSU are a real live football team. It's what we call a slobberknocker ya'll.

Before kickoff I probably should explain the psychology behind the Sister's bleeding hatred of Alabama and the particular tone it takes. Mississippi State is a land grant school...a farm school. Despite the fact that they have a recognized architectural school, they are veterinarians and engineers...but, that doesn't keep the Ole Miss faithful, doctors, lawyers, etc. from tormenting MSU alum about the redness of their necks.

So...Alabama is a chance for the MSU fans to give some of it back.

MSU forces Alabama to punt...but they got horrible field position out of it.

Mississippi State is moving the ball...even if they don't score this is a good sign for the Leghumpers.

Alabama's got the ball again...and they just suckered MSU into a bad pass interference call.

Mississippi State's defensive front is brutal at the point of attack.

Bama punts and again puts the ball inside the 10. This is shaping up to be a real football game. Moving inches at a time...violently.

Right on que...Bama takes Robinson down in the State endzone...Saftey.

Alabama 2 - Mississippi State 0

Alabama got into field goal range and picked up a field goal

Alabama 5 - MSU 0

One thing is clear, Mississippi State belongs on the field with Alabama...they are stout.

State's gonna have to start catching the ball at some point though...geeze

Outstanding play by Wells in the secondary...Bama has to punt.

End of first Quarter

Alabama 5 - MSU 0

What a catch...first down MSU...and they're out of the shadow of their own endzone.

Lewis gets the edge and State's in Alabama territory.

Prescott is smothered...they need him to be able to run.

Interception Alabama...I have no idea where he was throwing that.

Alabama is getting stoned at the line...and their secondary is holding up.

Bama punts.

You can't option the ball 8 yards behind the line of scrimmage...especially on the short side of the field and certainly not against Alabama. Bama ball.

It was just a matter of time...Fowler picks up about 40 on the pass.

Yeldon gashes MSU for a first down.

Yeldon again...acrobatic effort to pick up the first down.

Touchdown pass to Cooper.

Alabama 12 - MSU 0

State has got to show some life on offense now.

That was a ridiculous catch by Cooper...this could get out of hand.

Looked like Henry was in for the score but he fumbled...I'm sure it will be reviewed. This may be too close to overturn but it is Alabama. Get your tinfoil hats out. Now we wait...either State gets the ball and we still have a game or Alabama scored and it could be the beginning of the end.

It goes to Doyle Jackson in the booth and he calls it a touchdown.  The sound you hear outside is black helicopters.

Alabama 19 - MSU 0

Better shake it off dogs.

Light...Prescott hits Johnson for 25

Finally we hear from Robinson...but Prescott is being strangled at the line. It's 4th down and 3. State needs to go for it.

It's on now...unless it's not. Time out MSU.

Prescott gets the first and picks up a facemask call. First down Mississippi State.

Perry blew that s*** up.

3rd and 2

Prescott gets it. MSU has the ball on the Alabama 10 now...they've got to get 7.

Prescott to Wilson...MSU ball on the Alabama 1.

False start on Malone...backs em up five.

That &&^*&^ing penalty made it impossible for MSU to run the ball with 22 seconds left. Three incomplete passes...then 3

Alabama 19 - MSU 3


Mississippi State gets ball to start second half and already we've heard Robinson's name...State has got to figure out how to run the ball. Mainly they've got to relax.

Great pick up for Mississippi State...first down deep in Alabama territory.

Dixon pressured Prescott into an incompletion...

As Martha just dejectedly explained..."You're not gonna win this game with field goals."

Alabama 19 - MSU 6

Hell of an effort by Stuart but not enough...Bama punts.

Bama is still putting the hammer on Prescott.

How does Lewis drop that ball?  MSU punts...unforced errors are killing them.

Bama's knocking on the door again...thanks to another s***y punt from Bell they've only had to cover half the field.

WIDE RIGHT...Bama misses the field goal. State is still in it.

That was balls out by Robinson...First down MSU

Prescott to Wilson...Prescott to Wilson...they're moving the ball and hanging in.

26 yard gain by Robinson...it's on now.

Interception Alabama...another dumb throw.

In the time it took me to burn a square...Bama had to punt and MSU has moved to ball to the Alabama 4 yard line. First and Goal.

End of Third Quarter

Alabama 19 - MSU 6


Touchdown!!! MSU!

Alabama 19 - MSU 13

Bama just picked up an important first down...but, it's not getting any easier for them.


Alabama gets another first down...by the skin of their teeth.

Bama is willing the ball down the field now...it's grown football.

Touchdown Alabama.

Bama 26 - MSU 13

State is moving the ball.

Ragland stops Robinson but not before he picks up 6 or 7 yards.

Third Interception...that might do it y'all.

MSU might lose tonight but anybody who thinks they aren't one of the best teams in the country is a fool.

State stopped them...there's 3:23 left in the game. State needs a quick score and an onside kick. It's a long shot...long...but a shot.

Robinson is shaped like a beer keg...runs like a bull.

State is knocking on the door again....49 seconds.  And they still have to retrieve an onside kick

WTF are they doing running the option...there's less than 30 seconds left. WTF they've got two time outs left. WTF are they doing.

Touchdown Dawgs. 

Alabama 25 - MSU 20.

Onside kick coming up...if they get it...two plays, maybe 3.

Alright then...Bama recovers kick. It' over but State is not out of National Championship race. They played a great game...despite some mistakes.

The Sister is really spewing the hate right now.

I post the following on her behalf...I am not responsible.

Be ready next week clowns. It's The Game.
My Eli's have one loss to Dartmouth this year...Harvard are 9-0. This time next week they'll both be 9-1 but, only YALE will be Ivy League Champs. 
Be there or...continue to be y'all.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

A List of Incorrect Things

Half sung lyrics that are forced along by an irresistibly rough hewn rhythm...punctuated by demented melodic barbs. Hill Country Blues or....

Little Milton, Albert, B.B....we love you but, the Bossman's here now. Scatter!

Break your ears on this.

"Then One Night/I Was Doin' My Homework/My Woman/She Calls Out Yo' Name."

Those early Fall records are rocknroll in another dimension...a better one. One where Hill Country Blues, not Delta Blues, set the rules. Where they don't have a word for Rockabilly because Rockabilly just is. Where they don't have a word for Hippie because they've never seen one...and, internets forgive me, they've never heard a Boy Band sing Twist and Shout. I love the Fall...but, those records from Grotesque to Perverted By Language are transcendent.

We haven't even bothered with the fact that you have Ezra Pound, Christopher Logue, Mary Flannery and Eliot...ranting over the whole thing.

That's how a Cracker came to be obsessed with the FALL.*

How this clown became such a hater we'll probably never know.


Get The F*** Down Y'all!

*For the record...I am a Cracker...not a Redneck. My people were among those Britons who settled South Georgia

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Highway 49 Revisited

The intersection of Highways 49 and 61, in Clarksdale, is where Robert Johnson is supposed to have sold his soul to Scratch.* Seems a little excessive really. He was good but them roads are littered with blue, and red, signs honoring people that were good...and who didn't get poisoned with lighter fluid or whatever.


The obvious choice for Indianola is B.B. King...born and reared there, playing on Church St. He's not the only King born in Indianola though...

Actually BB is the only King from Indianola...Albert was a Nelson. So, from Indianola Mississippi seeds....one of my favorite snippets of recorded sound...ever.

Six miles down the road in Inverness...you know what happens next.

R.C. Cola...Inverness
Another 10 miles and you're in Isola.


We got red signs too...Isola is the hometown of Hank Cochran. He played under his own name eventually but what he really did was write songs...songs that have been recorded by everybody from Elvis Costello to Elvis Presley....Waylon Jennings, Merle Haggard and...this one.

This is exactly the kinda pop song that made my Grandmother despise Patsy Cline...sell out. It's a pretty good way to sell out though.

Then you come to Belzoni...

The opposite side of town from where he was actually born?

Pinetop played the piano instead of the guitar...cause a girl in Arkansas cut his arm up.

Him and Robert Nighthawk.

BB King has a special place with me. He was a constant around our house because my Daddy loves him...and Albert...who don't like Little Milton? But that urban soul blues is not favorite...Nighthawk is closer to the mark. Elmore James, born in Holmes county**, but a regular on the streets of Belzoni...is as good a turn at country-Delta type Blues as they'll ever be.


After that you pass by Louise and Midnight...eventually coming to Yazoo City (used to be Manchester)...the end of The Delta. There's a few musicians but, we gon' hear from Jerry Clower. Y'all may not know him...but, he is a true Southern treasure and one of the funniest men to ever live.

"Sir what's wrong with you...NOT A THING IN THE WORLD."

Vicksburg and the grim Louisiana Delta today.

*There is, of course, controversy about this...some of the old players put the crossroad north of Clarksdale in Rosedale...I think.

**Holmes county could mean Lexington, Pickens...godforsaken Tchula...who knows.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Highway 49

I am packing now...and I'll be on Highway 49 in an hour headed to Indianola....right through Belzoni.

Then down 61 back from Greenville.

There's probably a song for every town I'll pass through...there's always plenty to report in The Delta.

"Me and BB King used to race tractors in Indianola...he was drivin' a John Deer. I was drivin' a Farmall."

Inverness...home of Little Milton...Little Milton Campbell.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

From Frightening to Terrifiying

Before puberty, and for many years after....this was biggest heartbreak in my life.

"Man is there gonna be some property destroyed tonight!"

The late and legendary Larry Munson makes the greatest call in football history...can you hear the cries of a seven year old boy in the background.

The Gators were inches from ruining the Bulldogs perfect season...instead they helped to create a legend.

This is Florida's oldest and most intense rivalry...this is the game that matters more than all the others. It's played every year in Jacksonville, Florida at a neutral site...it's known as " World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party ." World's largest wake this year.

Those of you who care already know the death spiral that Gator football is in...those who don't probably aren't interested. All you need to know is this...the best thing that can happen for the Gators today is for them to be blown out of the stadium...so the moron they have "coaching" the team will be fired. I can't root for that though...it's a conundrum. I'm like Sophie.

Touchdown Leghumpers...they're running at will.

Florida 0 - Georgia 7

What will surely be the best moment of the day...CBS just played clips from the game in 1970 with Allman Bros. cover of One Way Out for a soundtrack.

At least the Boy is still excited. He asks me everyday if Muschamp's been fired but, it's uncomplicated for him once they hit the field.

The Gators are moving the ball...:golfclap:

There's the Gators we've all come to know and loath...just snapped the ball over quarterbacks head and lost 15 - 20 yards.

I'll be damned...the Gators faked the field goal and scored a touchdown. McNeely the holder, all 5'8" 165 lbs, ran it in. Ha

Gators 7 - Georgia 7

Dammit y'all...the Gators are on the verge of scoring again. I'm so messed up in my head right now.

Touchdown Gators. I don't know whether to wind it or scratch it. There is no future for Florida football until Muschamps is gone but, I can't see a Gator football player steamroll a Bulldog and not be excited...it's congenital. Arghhhhhhhhh

Gators 14 - Flea Bags 7


Touchdown Gators. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Gators 21 - Dawgs 7

The Gators are stoning them on defense.  WTF?

It is unbelievably...

Gators 24 - Georgia 7. 

The Bulldogs know that the best thing for their long term future is for the blithering idiot to remain at Florida. They are throwing the game...I hate them.

The Gators look like the Dallas Freaking Cowboys. They're on the verge of scoring again...they'll save Muschump's job today and then go back to sucking ass and we'll be stuck with that idiot for another year.

Gators 31 - Georgia 7

Have you ever just decided to rip it up...get drunk as Cooter Brown, signing, dancing, smashing furniture, telling people who need to get ***** to go get *****....the time of your life. Then you wake up the next morning...and then the events of the previous night start coming back to you in wave after anxious wave. Right now I'm up on the bar waving my bare butt in the face of the entire state of Georgia. I'll be blacking out shortly and tomorrow morning...as I'm rushing for the toilet, it'll hit me like a bat....Will Muschamp is still the Gator football coach and will probably will be for another year.

Georgia managed a touchdown...but failed on the two point conversion.

Gators 31 - Mutts 13

Georgia's moved the ball right down the Gator 10 yard line. 6:00 left.

This is a Chinese fire drill...these ding dongs have no sense of clock management. Catching the ball where they can't get out of bounds to stop the clock...fumbling snaps.  They look the Gators actually.

The Gators just ripped off another touchdown and now the announcers are talking about how the German can keep his job now. That horseface &*&&*&*er Jeremy Foley is on the sidelines. I am officially sick to my stomach.

Gators 38 - Georgia 13....it's over.

And it's over for all Gator fans for another year.

Three Hours Later...

Either I've settled down enough or the booze are finally working but, I'm emotionally available for football again...and we've got a real live football game....

Ole Miss and Auburn are playing what is an elimination game. Even though the Rebels lost at LSU last weekend they are still ranked in the top 4...as is Auburn. The loser is out of the SEC and National Championship race. They are beating the Jesus out of one another right now.
There's 10:23 left in the ball game and Auburn just scored a touchdown...they've been back and forth from the start.
Ole Miss 31 - Auburn 35
Bo Wallace admitted that last week he lost it to the crowd at LSU (that crowd is worth a touchdown at least)....but tonight he's on it. Mathers (running back) has been knocked out of game but Sanders and Treadwell are doing their part.
Ole Miss driving.
Sometimes the Universe is just against you...Auburn has third and long...Ole Miss tips the ball and it's caught right at first down marker. 4:40...Ole Miss still down 4.
YESSSSS! Auburn fails to convert third down. Ole Miss gets one more chance.
Ha. Good return on punt and then Lewis hits him out of bounds...tack 15 more yards on it.
Walton got his dentures knocked out on that one. 2nd down and 11.
Flag down...holding on defense....First down Ole Miss.
That's a nine yard pick up for Core...and he got out of bounds.
First down Walton...2:16 left. Ole Miss still has two time outs.
That was a heads up play by Engram....he refused to go down and got out of bounds to stop the clock.
Third and three1:39 3rd down and
TOUCHDOWN!!!!! TREADWELL...but he got rocked...he got dragged down from behind and then got smoked up top. His foot is pointing in the wrong direction. It's ugly.
Now on the replay it looks like he might not have gotten in. He may have lost the ball before crossing the goal line...they may have lost their star receiver and the game on that play. Disaster.
Treadwell is the issue right now...they've got the cart out for him. Won't be seeing him again this year. That was hideous.
Auburn football.  &^&U%&%*&^^&%*%*^&%*&%VG*^&%^&%*&%&^...damn, damn, damn.
39 seconds left...it's third down for Auburn. If they can stop Auburn quickly...they've still got a timeout. At best they'll have a couple of seconds for a desperate pass into the endzone.
They got 'em. Ole Miss calls timeout. 36 seconds left. Ole Miss should have 20 seconds or so...which isn't impossible if they play the sidelines.
26 seconds left...Ole Miss has the ball at midfield. Obviously Treadwell's out but, Sanders and Engram are there.
Here we go...incomplete....that's fine it stops the clock.
S*** incomplete again. 16 seconds left...two downs.
It's such a sh**y way to lose a ball game. I defy anybody to hang onto a football while their ankle is being snapped in two...he was inches away from the goal line and there was very little struggle for the ball after he dropped it because a touchdown was called. Auburn just fell on it...after the fact.
This is it...4th down. 
That's that...Heartbreaker.
Somebody...anybody...tell me why I do this to myself every Saturday.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Bloody Mary

The cops are already patrolling the neighborhood.  Probably looking for me...

Justin Bieber.

Tonight's the night our neighborhood is over run with little punks...little punk-ass, demanding, will eye-cuss you if you run out of candy, bumble bees, princesses, cowboys and...

We live out of the way...there's no through traffic so we get kids from all around the area. Kids and their parents drunk driving tricked out golf carts, at two miles an hour, with 10 kids hangin' off the back...like the last boat outta Saigon. They are voracious for the candy...little fiends.

I'm ready for 'em this year though...

I mean...I'm ready for 'em this year....



Post-structuralist Halloween?

The kid in the Mississippi State uniform insisted that he was Dak Prescott...the all-world quarterback for MSU...he did not acknowledge the Bat Man mask he was wearing.


Looks like the real zombie problem is in England...Lancashire to be more specific. Lock your doors y'all....there's an adamparsons on the loose.