Florida v Florida State

I've been worthless around here the last week...here and everywhere else. Martha and The Boy went up north last week to see her parents and every day they were gone I became more and more useless. I think it's my true nature.

Can't sit on my ass today though...today is Florida vs. Florida State. The Georgia Bulldogs are Florida's oldest rival...they are a respected rival from the SEC. There is no respect for Florida Sate...former teachers college that went co-ed to get G.I. Bill money...now known for it's first class circus school and not much else. Literally...if you want to be a clown, FSU is your school.

They've had some football teams though...when you have no admissions standards and you're willing to take on rapists and thieves. They haven't lost a game in two years...not since the Gators curb-stomped them in Tallahassee. They're back there today again...the town where I was born...where my hatred for these Johnny-Come-Lately-New-Money-Low-Rent-Elephant-Dung-Sweepers was born and festered for 13 years.

Go Gators!

Florida opts to kick the ball off and stones FSU on the 10 yard line.

The sight of these two teams excites me more than any other than sports. Neither teams have changed uniforms since at least 1979...it's looked the same since I can remember. I lived with these people and had to listen to their shit for 364 days a year. It mattered more than anything else to me when I was a kid...not much has changed.

The Seminoles got nothing out of that...punt clowns.

G&^ (&*(*&&*^(*&^*(!!!! Gators went hard after the punt and got a roughing the kicker penalty. First down Criminoles.

Replay shows it wasn't even a roughing penalty but, SHIT DON'T MATTER. INTERCEPTION!!!!

Gator ball on FSU 40.

Gator offense sucks balls...and then they tried some trick fake punt but they couldn't get the ball snapped in time. Same inept nonsense we've seen for the last three years but, will not be seeing next year. The coach has mercifully been fired.

Lined back up for a field goal and split the uprights.

Gators 3 - F$U 0

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
WHAT AN INTERCEPTION. HAHAHAHAHAHA Two possessions...two turnovers!!!

Gator Ball!

Toss to Pittman...1st down Gators.

What an effort...first down Gators.

Another three points for the Gators.

Gators 6 - FSU 0

The Gators are on that ass...they've backed FSU up for more yards than the Seminoles have gained.

D&&&& he smoked that dude. They are beating the crap out of FSU...they may not win the game but they're winning the fight.

Jameis Winston is running for his life out there...fsu punts again.

Gators dropped a bomb on you!

But they can't get any further...another field goal attempt. Knocked it down.

Gators 9 - fsu 0

FSU muffs the kickoff at the 10...then the Gators shut the door. FSU moving backwards again.

Then Jamies throws another interception...Gator ball on the 10...then the Gators throw an interception returned for a touchdown. MOTHER &Y*^(*&T%^(%^%V&*%^*^&*(^&*(^*&*)&YT*(&Y(

Gators 9 - fsu 7

After a typical egregious no-call on FSU pass interference...the Gators punt.

I'm going to make the braising liquid for the ribs...before I start typing things I'll regret.

Seminoles are moving the ball now...on the Florida 10

Third and goal from the 10...touchdown f$u.

Gators 9 - fsu 14

They're getting chippy now...these kids have been playing football with and against each other since pee wee ball. There's a lot of animosity on the field and in the stands. Gators are gonna have to watch it though....fsu won't be called for nonsense by these ACC refs.

First down Gators...could they actually put a drive together.

Another third and long...they're trying to pound the ball...with the idea of wearing the defensive line down but...ef it. Interception.

 

 

FSU ball.

 

He knocked his wisdom teeth out on that one...but it's not really gonna matter.

 

Touchdown FSU...thank goodness it ends today...Muschamp won't e able to do anymore damage after today.

 

Gators 9 - fsu 21

 

 BLOCKED PUNT...TOUCHDOWN GATORS!!!!!

 

We got a game again.

 

Gators 16 - fsu 21

 

Halftime.

 

Great return on the kick off for the Gators. Let's see if they can actually move the ball.

 

Dammit y'all they are moving the ball. Of course FSU was just obviously off sides and it wasn't called but now we have a holding call on the Gators. There's a reason ACC refs aren't allowed in Florida Field anymore.

 

Their still in scoring territory.

 

Another field goal.

 

Gators 19 - fsu 21

 

They are still beating the hell out of them physically...so that's something. They carryin' one of them boys off the field now.

 

Three and out...punt bitches punt.

 

You thought you had an interception..

 

 

Gators picked up another first down...but it's called back on a holding penalty. Of course.

 

Gators punt.

 





Commercial Break...

 

 

After ignoring a huge hold...they call unsportsmanlike on Florida. Bull SH&&&!

 

INTERCEPTION! GATORS BALL!!!!!

 

Unsportsmanlike on Gators....all total 25 yard penalty. This is full on ACC bullshit.

 

After the worst bull shit calls that took the Gators right out of field goal position they miss it. You can't play close with these bullshit people in Tallahassee...you will not stand a chance.

 

Punt criminoles...they'll probably find a way to give you the ball back.

 

Haha...they tried to fake it and were stoned.

 

Gator ball at midfield.

 

Just dropped a bomb on 'em.  They've got to move the ball though.

 

Wide right...another missed field goal.

 

FSU is moving the ball...less than six minutes left but, the Gator D has stiffened.

 

3rd and 18...stop these clowns.

 

FSU gets a field goal

 

Gators 19 - FSu 24

 

This is the situation...the Gators have less than four minutes to score a touchdown. They've scored one all day...right after a turn over. So they're gonna have to drive the field. Something they haven't really been able to do in the four years that Muschamp has been coaching them...but, this is his last three and a half minutes as coach.

 

Gators start on their own 20.

 

First down after scamper by Harris.

 

2:55...left.

 

3rd and 8 yards to a first down...batted down pass.

 

4th down and 8...time out fsu.  The Gators have all their time outs but, for that to work, they'd have to put a three and out on FSU...not likely. So...they're going for it on 4th and 8....Sweet J...

 

HAHASHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH Pass Interference FSU....First DOWN GATORS!!!! HAHHAHAHAHAHA

 

Gator Ball at midfield...2:04 left.

 

Two plays...with two ridiculous over throws...it's like desperation. THere's plenty of time. Get your shit together.

 

Another pointless throw.  &^%&^&&&&^^^^^&&&

 

This is it...wide open...dropped it.

 

&^^%% ALL THIS!!!!

Double Wide

The Sister gets ready for the game.

You couldn't even read this set of circumstances into a Nostradamus quatrain. We see it happening...still and don't believe it. The Mississippi State University Bulldogs, one of the most hapless and maligned programs in the history of SEC football, is undefeated and ranked NUMBER 1 in the nation.

Today they're in Tuscaloosa to face the hated Crimson Tide of Alabama...the most heralded team in SEC football. Alabama has the one loss to Ole Miss...but, they are still very much in the SEC and National Title hunt.

Alabama, because they're Alabama is favored by 8 points but, MSU are a real live football team. It's what we call a slobberknocker ya'll.

Before kickoff I probably should explain the psychology behind the Sister's bleeding hatred of Alabama and the particular tone it takes. Mississippi State is a land grant school...a farm school. Despite the fact that they have a recognized architectural school, they are veterinarians and engineers...but, that doesn't keep the Ole Miss faithful, doctors, lawyers, etc. from tormenting MSU alum about the redness of their necks.

So...Alabama is a chance for the MSU fans to give some of it back.




MSU forces Alabama to punt...but they got horrible field position out of it.

Mississippi State is moving the ball...even if they don't score this is a good sign for the Leghumpers.

Alabama's got the ball again...and they just suckered MSU into a bad pass interference call.

Mississippi State's defensive front is brutal at the point of attack.

Bama punts and again puts the ball inside the 10. This is shaping up to be a real football game. Moving inches at a time...violently.

Right on que...Bama takes Robinson down in the State endzone...Saftey.

Alabama 2 - Mississippi State 0

Alabama got into field goal range and picked up a field goal

Alabama 5 - MSU 0

One thing is clear, Mississippi State belongs on the field with Alabama...they are stout.

State's gonna have to start catching the ball at some point though...geeze

Outstanding play by Wells in the secondary...Bama has to punt.

End of first Quarter

Alabama 5 - MSU 0

What a catch...first down MSU...and they're out of the shadow of their own endzone.

Lewis gets the edge and State's in Alabama territory.

Prescott is smothered...they need him to be able to run.

Interception Alabama...I have no idea where he was throwing that.

Alabama is getting stoned at the line...and their secondary is holding up.

Bama punts.

You can't option the ball 8 yards behind the line of scrimmage...especially on the short side of the field and certainly not against Alabama. Bama ball.

It was just a matter of time...Fowler picks up about 40 on the pass.

Yeldon gashes MSU for a first down.

Yeldon again...acrobatic effort to pick up the first down.

Touchdown pass to Cooper.

Alabama 12 - MSU 0

State has got to show some life on offense now.

That was a ridiculous catch by Cooper...this could get out of hand.

Looked like Henry was in for the score but he fumbled...I'm sure it will be reviewed. This may be too close to overturn but it is Alabama. Get your tinfoil hats out. Now we wait...either State gets the ball and we still have a game or Alabama scored and it could be the beginning of the end.

It goes to Doyle Jackson in the booth and he calls it a touchdown.  The sound you hear outside is black helicopters.

Alabama 19 - MSU 0

Better shake it off dogs.

Light...Prescott hits Johnson for 25

Finally we hear from Robinson...but Prescott is being strangled at the line. It's 4th down and 3. State needs to go for it.

It's on now...unless it's not. Time out MSU.

Prescott gets the first and picks up a facemask call. First down Mississippi State.

Perry blew that s*** up.

3rd and 2

Prescott gets it. MSU has the ball on the Alabama 10 now...they've got to get 7.

Prescott to Wilson...MSU ball on the Alabama 1.

False start on Malone...backs em up five.

That &&^*&^ing penalty made it impossible for MSU to run the ball with 22 seconds left. Three incomplete passes...then 3

Alabama 19 - MSU 3

Halftime

Mississippi State gets ball to start second half and already we've heard Robinson's name...State has got to figure out how to run the ball. Mainly they've got to relax.

Great pick up for Mississippi State...first down deep in Alabama territory.

Dixon pressured Prescott into an incompletion...

As Martha just dejectedly explained..."You're not gonna win this game with field goals."

Alabama 19 - MSU 6

Hell of an effort by Stuart but not enough...Bama punts.

Bama is still putting the hammer on Prescott.

How does Lewis drop that ball?  MSU punts...unforced errors are killing them.

Bama's knocking on the door again...thanks to another s***y punt from Bell they've only had to cover half the field.

WIDE RIGHT...Bama misses the field goal. State is still in it.

That was balls out by Robinson...First down MSU

Prescott to Wilson...Prescott to Wilson...they're moving the ball and hanging in.

26 yard gain by Robinson...it's on now.

Interception Alabama...another dumb throw.

In the time it took me to burn a square...Bama had to punt and MSU has moved to ball to the Alabama 4 yard line. First and Goal.

End of Third Quarter

Alabama 19 - MSU 6

WHILE WE'VE GOT A SECOND, THE SISTER SAID SHE WAS GOING TO KILL ME FOR POSTING THAT PICTURE....SO, IF I DON'T POST IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS CALL THE PO-LEESE.

Touchdown!!! MSU!

Alabama 19 - MSU 13

Bama just picked up an important first down...but, it's not getting any easier for them.

SHE'S ALSO JUST THREATENED TO KILL ONE OUR COUSINS...SHE ISN'T HANDLING THE PRESSURE WELL.

Alabama gets another first down...by the skin of their teeth.

Bama is willing the ball down the field now...it's grown football.

Touchdown Alabama.

Bama 26 - MSU 13

State is moving the ball.

Ragland stops Robinson but not before he picks up 6 or 7 yards.

Third Interception...that might do it y'all.

MSU might lose tonight but anybody who thinks they aren't one of the best teams in the country is a fool.

State stopped them...there's 3:23 left in the game. State needs a quick score and an onside kick. It's a long shot...long...but a shot.

Robinson is shaped like a beer keg...runs like a bull.

State is knocking on the door again....49 seconds.  And they still have to retrieve an onside kick

WTF are they doing running the option...there's less than 30 seconds left. WTF they've got two time outs left. WTF are they doing.

Touchdown Dawgs. 

Alabama 25 - MSU 20.

Onside kick coming up...if they get it...two plays, maybe 3.

Alright then...Bama recovers kick. It' over but State is not out of National Championship race. They played a great game...despite some mistakes.

The Sister is really spewing the hate right now.

I post the following on her behalf...I am not responsible.

 

 

Be ready next week clowns. It's The Game.

 

 

 

My Eli's have one loss to Dartmouth this year...Harvard are 9-0. This time next week they'll both be 9-1 but, only YALE will be Ivy League Champs. 

 

Be there or...continue to be y'all.

 

 



Hotter Than The Spot Where Your Pop Got Arrested At

For those of you who don't care to watch...you might want to listen. The greatest cover version of any song EVAR!



All Saturday's in the Fall are special but, I reckon, this one's extra special

My beloved, and once Mighty, Florida Gators travel to Tuscaloosa, Alabama to take on the Crimson Tide.



This video has not been posted for its song...which is really kinda awful. It's been posted in honor of Vern Lundquist. He's the color man for SEC games...this, at the very beginning of the clip, has to be one of his greatest professional moments. "There are few Truths in an uncertain world..." Indeed. Darth Vader wears Alabama underpants....they  have been described as Manchester United. If so, Kentucky is middle-aged clerks and cops kicking a ball around on Sunday afternoon. Last week it took three overtimes for the Gators to beat Kentucky.

I've also posted it because I was there that day...sadly.

Kick off and commentary @ 2:30 Central Time...be there or be y'all.

2006 was a very different story.



10 minutes.

One play, 87 yards...Touchdown Alabama.

Gators 0 - Alabama 7

Hot Damn! Fumble recovery...Florida ball at Alabama 35.



TOUCHDOWN GATORS!!!!

Florida 7 - Alabama 7

FUMBLE ALABAMA!!!!  Touchdown GATORS! The Gators are ****** WINNING!

Florida 14 - Alabama 7

Hargreaves is a grown man.

WIDE LEFT.  Still...

Florida 14 - Alabama 7

Another one play 80 yard touchdown Alabama.

Florida 14 - Alabama 14

Interception Alabama but not the end of the world...it was 3rd down and Bama got it on the 10. You'd be happy with a punt like that. Of course, they're moving the ball again.

FUMBLE NUMBER THREE for Bama!!!  Gator ball!!!

Fumble Gators...this ridiculous.

It's not gonna stop Alabama from scoring but Neal just put a permanent mark on Travis Henry.

Touchdown Alabama. No bomb just a methodical march down half the field (thanks to fumble).

Florida 14 - Alabama 21

Just lackluster...The Gators are only down seven but they've had no sustained drives...every point coming because of an Alabama turnover. It's the same uptight offense we've seen for the last four years.

Half Time

Florida 14 - Alabama 21

The crowd of nearly 102,000 has been treated to a few brilliant moments and a lot of bumbling. Five turnovers in the first half.  Alabama gets the ball first this half.

INTERCEPTION GATORS. Ball on the Alabama 14...if they can't score six here...nevermind...TOUCHDOWN GATORS!!!!!

Florida 21 - Alabama 21

McCallister put Sims on his ASSSSSS!

How, in the name of cupcakes and kittens, do you give up 23 yards on a rinky dink screen pass????

Next play...Henry walks in for TD.

Florida 21 - Alabama 28

Sims has been knocked out for a play or two but, it hasn't mattered...Yeldon and Henry are running the ball at will now.

That's just pure talent...you can't stop that. Touchdown Alabama on a ridiculously good catch by Cooper.

Florida 21 - Alabama 35

Interception Florida...you might as well turn out the lights...the party's over.

Florida ran a whole 6 plays in the third quarter...Alabama ran 28.

 

Vern is describing it as a show now...nother touchdown for Cooper.

 

Florida 21 - Alabama 42

 

 

Alabama is taking pity on Florida now.