Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Vampire Slayer

South Carolina's Trey Gowdy pounds a wooden stake through this fiends heart.......y'all.

The only thing worse than politicians are the stooges they fill the bureaucracies with...incapable of actually doing anything but certain of their own superiority...they're too smug even for politics. So they dedicate themselves to tormenting citizens. When these goblins die...they go to the IRS. Tax collecting.

Once there they can target political groups and harass 67 year olds, like my father, for five years over a legitimate, but small, claim on mileage...only to explain afterwards, "Sorry about that we were mistaken...hahahahhahahha."

If only they could lose the checks we have to write them every year.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


For the last four or five days this blog has been comatose...moribund...dead as Adam's house cat.
I got something for that...sex, drugs... 

and rock'n'roll.

Maybe a little...


Friday, June 13, 2014

Did Your Parents Have Any Children That Lived?

None of these clips are safe for work or civilized company.

Major Payne pops up on the Showtime every once in a while. I bust a gut every time. No matter how stupid the scene...I can't help it. I'm simple like that.

Of course it helps that I've had my own experience with Drill Sergeants. I spent 4 solid months of my life trying not to laugh at their antics...sometimes desperately. Not because the experience was fun. It wasn't really and often it was dreadful but, these Drills are more creative than housepainters with the insults and swear words.

I had a couple crawl up my ass one night in the mess hall because I couldn't stop laughing. Earlier in the day this kid from New York...an Italian named Capo...had made some borderline racist comment. He was coming from the chowline with his tray when 3 or 4 black Drills ambushed him. They rushed him...swarmed on him...."You don't like black people Onion?...You gotta problem with black people Bucket?" He froze...his eyes got big as dinner plates. They weren't just on him...they were bobbing and weaving and circling him like snakes looking to strike.  I couldn't help it and a chuckle pressed out between my clinched teeth.

Yeah...that didn't work out so well for me.

There's this clip from Full Metal Jacket. If, for some reason, you've never seen the film...the following is very rough and there is something here to offend almost anyone. Proceed with caution.

My Daddy was in the Marine Corps between 59 and 63. He said that was as close as you could get to being there without actually signing up. He said it gave him flashbacks to Paris Island....but, he loves it. I had Heard all the stories before I'd ever seen the movie. He loved telling them. In fact, I was a little disappointed that Drill Instructor Hartman never asks a recruit if his parents were communists..."send you in here f*** up the U.S. Marine Corps?" Ha. One of my best buddies in service had been in the Marine Corps. He wanted to go back in but, once you left 'em...they wouldn't take you back so he was stuck with us in the army. He had an audio cassette tape of this scene. He would blare it over the loudspeakers in the mess hall while we were cooking supper.

I don't really know why anybody would look back fondly and laugh about an experience like boot camp. It is impossible to explain how immersive the misery is...there's no escape from it. Your every move is scrutinized and controlled. You dream about it when you sleep. It's like the smell of the generic green cleaner that permeates every sterile corner in the barracks. It's truly oppressive...but, I haven't met very many people that didn't relish a chance to look back on it...didn't have funny stories to tell.

My own experience was somewhere between Major Payne and Full Metal Jacket. I was only threatened with death once...or threatened with death three or four times on one occasion. Eventually your mind finds a grove and just about the time your body gets in shape the tasks become more interesting....rifle training, rappelling, field exercises, combat patrols and a gloriously anachronistic chance to Go Over the Top. In an exercise that must have been unchanged since 1914, we all filed down in a trench...flares shrieked and burst, machine gun fire snapped the air over our heads (seemed like inches...it was probably 20ft)...a whistle pierces the racket and up we go on our belies....into no man's land. There was barbed wire and charges buried in holes. The first one went off about five feet from me...the ground rattled and I bounced violently on the hard packed ground. I'm sure that I never ran as fast as I crawled after that explosion.

We went without supper that night. The whole way  a Drill Sgt. stood at the front of the bus talking in detail about the Tacos his wife was making him for supper and the cold...ice cold beer he was gonna drink when he got home.

Bastard...they were all bastards.

"I will motivate you Pyle...if it short dicks every cannibal on the Congo."


Monday, June 9, 2014

Love Her All the Time


Sonic Youth before they had figured out exactly what Sonic Youth was...at their absolute best.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Stupidity...It Burns!

I'm tryin to mind my business and drank a cup of coffee...but the T.V. 's on in here. The Weather Channel. People love to watch the weather on TV...anyway I've got my headphones on so I can't hear it but I can read a blurb under a woman being interviewed.

 "Female Named Storms Are Not Taken As Seriously as Male Named Storms."
You all that don't live in hurricane territory may not be aware of this but, years ago all storms were given female names. All of you, steeped, stewed and brewed in the insanity of identity politics as we are, will immediately see this for the vicious sexist slur that it was. Women are given to raging destructive passions...they are to be feared...just like hurricanes. Well we couldn't have that. So, in 1979 we got hurricane....Bob.
Now, 35 years later we have a study which shows that female named storms cause more destruction. People don't take them seriously because they've got girly names.
You know where this is headed.
"Well Suzanne...does this mean we should name all storms after men. So people will take them more seriously and be better prepared...cutting down on the damage, cost and possibly even deaths associated with these storms."
"No, of course not. Chuck the problem is society's attitudes toward women. We are still seen as weak and powerless...and obviously not to be taken seriously."
"What's the answer then...what should be done? We have the stats in front of us...if we can mitigate the damage caused by these storms...I mean, isn't that something  we should try to do?"
"Of course Chuck...we all want to see the damage and suffering caused by hurricanes minimized but, the damage and suffering caused by stereotypes is also real. What we are proposing is that all Hurricanes be given female names."  

 I also have never been to New Guinea or..uh built an igloo ;).*

Any of you who think I may be overestimating the potential for stupidity here need only remember Shelia Jackson Lee's call for all races to be represented in the naming of storms.

*You may not know this but if you don't own a copy of Double Wide and Live...your ears hate you and long for the silence of your demise rather than carrying on in denial.