Saturday, November 29, 2014

Florida v Florida State

I've been worthless around here the last and everywhere else. Martha and The Boy went up north last week to see her parents and every day they were gone I became more and more useless. I think it's my true nature.

Can't sit on my ass today is Florida vs. Florida State. The Georgia Bulldogs are Florida's oldest rival...they are a respected rival from the SEC. There is no respect for Florida Sate...former teachers college that went co-ed to get G.I. Bill known for it's first class circus school and not much else. Literally...if you want to be a clown, FSU is your school.

They've had some football teams though...when you have no admissions standards and you're willing to take on rapists and thieves. They haven't lost a game in two years...not since the Gators curb-stomped them in Tallahassee. They're back there today again...the town where I was born...where my hatred for these Johnny-Come-Lately-New-Money-Low-Rent-Elephant-Dung-Sweepers was born and festered for 13 years.

Go Gators!

Florida opts to kick the ball off and stones FSU on the 10 yard line.

The sight of these two teams excites me more than any other than sports. Neither teams have changed uniforms since at least's looked the same since I can remember. I lived with these people and had to listen to their shit for 364 days a year. It mattered more than anything else to me when I was a kid...not much has changed.

The Seminoles got nothing out of that...punt clowns.

G&^ (&*(*&&*^(*&^*(!!!! Gators went hard after the punt and got a roughing the kicker penalty. First down Criminoles.

Replay shows it wasn't even a roughing penalty but, SHIT DON'T MATTER. INTERCEPTION!!!!

Gator ball on FSU 40.

Gator offense sucks balls...and then they tried some trick fake punt but they couldn't get the ball snapped in time. Same inept nonsense we've seen for the last three years but, will not be seeing next year. The coach has mercifully been fired.

Lined back up for a field goal and split the uprights.

Gators 3 - F$U 0

WHAT AN INTERCEPTION. HAHAHAHAHAHA Two possessions...two turnovers!!!

Gator Ball!

Toss to Pittman...1st down Gators.

What an effort...first down Gators.

Another three points for the Gators.

Gators 6 - FSU 0

The Gators are on that ass...they've backed FSU up for more yards than the Seminoles have gained.

D&&&& he smoked that dude. They are beating the crap out of FSU...they may not win the game but they're winning the fight.

Jameis Winston is running for his life out there...fsu punts again.

Gators dropped a bomb on you!

But they can't get any further...another field goal attempt. Knocked it down.

Gators 9 - fsu 0

FSU muffs the kickoff at the 10...then the Gators shut the door. FSU moving backwards again.

Then Jamies throws another interception...Gator ball on the 10...then the Gators throw an interception returned for a touchdown. MOTHER &Y*^(*&T%^(%^%V&*%^*^&*(^&*(^*&*)&YT*(&Y(

Gators 9 - fsu 7

After a typical egregious no-call on FSU pass interference...the Gators punt.

I'm going to make the braising liquid for the ribs...before I start typing things I'll regret.

Seminoles are moving the ball now...on the Florida 10

Third and goal from the 10...touchdown f$u.

Gators 9 - fsu 14

They're getting chippy now...these kids have been playing football with and against each other since pee wee ball. There's a lot of animosity on the field and in the stands. Gators are gonna have to watch it though....fsu won't be called for nonsense by these ACC refs.

First down Gators...could they actually put a drive together.

Another third and long...they're trying to pound the ball...with the idea of wearing the defensive line down but...ef it. Interception.

FSU ball.
He knocked his wisdom teeth out on that one...but it's not really gonna matter.
Touchdown FSU...thank goodness it ends today...Muschamp won't e able to do anymore damage after today.
Gators 9 - fsu 21
We got a game again.
Gators 16 - fsu 21
Great return on the kick off for the Gators. Let's see if they can actually move the ball.
Dammit y'all they are moving the ball. Of course FSU was just obviously off sides and it wasn't called but now we have a holding call on the Gators. There's a reason ACC refs aren't allowed in Florida Field anymore.
Their still in scoring territory.
Another field goal.
Gators 19 - fsu 21
They are still beating the hell out of them that's something. They carryin' one of them boys off the field now.
Three and out...punt bitches punt.
You thought you had an interception..
Gators picked up another first down...but it's called back on a holding penalty. Of course.
Gators punt.

Commercial Break...

After ignoring a huge hold...they call unsportsmanlike on Florida. Bull SH&&&!

Unsportsmanlike on Gators....all total 25 yard penalty. This is full on ACC bullshit.
After the worst bull shit calls that took the Gators right out of field goal position they miss it. You can't play close with these bullshit people in will not stand a chance.
Punt criminoles...they'll probably find a way to give you the ball back.
Haha...they tried to fake it and were stoned.
Gator ball at midfield.
Just dropped a bomb on 'em.  They've got to move the ball though.
Wide right...another missed field goal.
FSU is moving the ball...less than six minutes left but, the Gator D has stiffened.
3rd and 18...stop these clowns.
FSU gets a field goal
Gators 19 - FSu 24
This is the situation...the Gators have less than four minutes to score a touchdown. They've scored one all day...right after a turn over. So they're gonna have to drive the field. Something they haven't really been able to do in the four years that Muschamp has been coaching them...but, this is his last three and a half minutes as coach.
Gators start on their own 20.
First down after scamper by Harris.
3rd and 8 yards to a first down...batted down pass.
4th down and 8...time out fsu.  The Gators have all their time outs but, for that to work, they'd have to put a three and out on FSU...not likely. So...they're going for it on 4th and 8....Sweet J...
Gator Ball at midfield...2:04 left.
Two plays...with two ridiculous over's like desperation. THere's plenty of time. Get your shit together.
Another pointless throw.  &^%&^&&&&^^^^^&&&
This is it...wide open...dropped it.
&^^%% ALL THIS!!!!


  1. I have no idea what any of that meant but it was very entertaining

    1. I was so mad yesterday I could've eaten a wooden spoon.

      If the Gators had even a mediocre offense they'd have blown that game out.

      One thing that is repeatedly happening up that the Gators are getting the ball on an extremely short field because they keep intercepting the bal...all they have to do is move forward 10 yards and it's seven points. Instead they keep stalling out and having to settle for field goals worth 3 points.


  2. This week's programme cover is hilarious. Someone gets paid actual money to dress up like that? Don't they wind up getting pelted with tomatoes and eggs (or worse)?
    In other news, I will never curse in the same way again - 'dayum!'

    1. That's a program from 69 or 70...he's a student who certainly auditioned for the gig...and, we are hoping, he's high as a kite in there. I love him because it still looks like his grandmother could have made the they're all very professionally done.
      On the field they're safe because of security. Nothing will turn your security man, who's jolly cause he's gettin' paid to watch the game, into a Stasi enforcer faster than throwing objects on the field.

      That's our damns...Ha.

  3. I'm afraid my first thought - just my very first spontaneous thought, before I'd taken it all in - when I saw that mascot was not that he was meant to be a 'gator at all... but instead something really very unsavoury... something sticky brown and lumpy... I'm so sorry. I must have a mind like a sewer (appropriately enough), oh why did I have to go and think of that?

    1. I really do t think you can be held accountable for this one. I had to do a double take and I knew what I was supposed to be looking for.

      One positive change for the slick new costume is a change to green for the gator.

    2. To be fair it was just the way it looked on my Reading List preview... small and lacking in detail. Just a big turd with eyes.


      I mean :-(

    3. That would have been an appropriate mascot for the last two years.

      But watch this space. A new coach will be announced any day now...I know it's been worryin' your mind.

  4. Well you can't enjoy the match without a good 'bevvy!' I am glad you must have got 'stuck in'
    I felt I was there. I might read it again but I must first get a crate of Bud and a bottle Rye chaser!

    1. I'm sorry to have dragged you through that then. :)

      Only Bourbon can cure these blues.

      They just announced a new coach for the hapless Gators...Jim McElwain. Great redneck name but, he's from Montana...and kind of a non event.