Monday, May 25, 2015

Do Not Be Alarmed!

These words are typed by me, not in a hospital but, in the comfort of my own back porch. I am alive and well...full of vim and vigor...rejuvenated by yet another failed attempt on my life by Satan's hand puppet.


Screwtape there is a young'n...he'll be black as lump charcoal in a few years...won't be any more full of venom though. He's already wired for sound. I stepped right over him looking for a golf ball. I heard the unmistakable sound of a snake moving over dried leaves right behind me...right behind me. Like at my heel.

F*&%$ER!!!

Long time readers, of this and the various blogs, will know this is not the first time the Devil has sent his dirty workers after me; however, this is the first time I've been tracked out of state. This attempt came in Georgia...Lake Park, Georgia.

Do not be alarmed...I survived the attempted attack...and sent him slithering back to his boss with a message...











20 comments:

  1. Ugh. Fucking hell. Snakes are foul. Fortunately they are not native to the north west of England.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one can't be more than a year old. If it survives a few more...and it won't if it keeps popping up that close to a fairway...it'll get fat and turn smut black. It will be the embodiment of Foul.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. You keep trying...it adds fuel to the triumph fire.

      Delete
  3. Bloody hell, Erik, this is terrible. I'm really glad you are on the mend. I don't know how you sleep at night in your part of the world, knowing they are 'out there'. There doesn't seem to be much point to a snake, does there? Move over here - we only have adders and thankfully very rarely see them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I may have over sold the drama a little...well not the drama. I did step over the mother f****er...to hear one right behind you is a genuinely creepy feeling but, I wasn't bit.
      I have a long running very dramatic battle going with these imps...where I'm always on the verge of being poisoned...but, because I'm plucky...I escape. The Cottonmouth is my arch enemy.

      I know some of you will want to know...on this day, the snake escaped unharmed as well.

      Delete
  4. Well of course you are my absolute priority, Erik, but you'll know I was glad in this instance you were both unharmed! For all my love of creepy slithery crawly slimy etc. things, and I'm sure I've said this before, but I'm relieved I don't have to face such fears here and I probably wouldn't feel quite the same if I did...

    Let's hope there are no more close encounters. But it does make a good story and a good pic!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad to know I rate...at least above a cottonmouth. :)

      Yeah if The Boy had been down there with me....ughhh. Fortunately he was safe in a golf cart with his Grandaddy.

      Bring it demons!

      I have a couple of pictures for you from the trip...one that I would never have taken, an image I would tried to have forgotten, if it weren't for you.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Are you now finally qualified to talk with me about Iceland?

      I hate cold more than I hate snakes...it's not even close.

      Delete
  6. Yeah, so what. A bee flew within three feet of me in my West London garden this morning - but you don't hear me makin a song and dance about it.

    Anyway, it's your fault for playing a dangerous sport like golf.

    By the way, what exactly happens when one these charming little creatures actually does bite you? Do you get, like, an annoying itch for a day or two?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://peterandsharda.com/wp-includes/js/cottonmouth-snake-bite-treatment-i11.jpg

      You asked. :0

      I thought about you the other night when beetle flew down my collar...about the inch and half long with these horn things...since I know you love bugs so much.

      Delete
    2. Good God Almighty! That is absolutely HORRIBLE! Yeeeccccchhhhhhhhh!

      Who thought it would be a good idea to give it such a cuddly, charming name - cottonmouth suggests something soft and cute - at worst, it's what you'd name a speech defect: "Thorry - I'm thuffering from a touch of Cottonmouth at the moment. It'll path in a while."

      I have to go bed now with that image in my head.

      Stag-beetle. Damn things look too big to fly, but they do. A lot. Now I'm going to have to sleep with the windows closed as well. If I get any sleep, that is. Thanks a bunch.

      Delete
    3. We do love the irony but, when these black monsters open their mouth...it looks like a cotton boll.

      Don't let the bed bugs bite.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. Old Pa! Good to see you here.

      If I could I round up every one these a**holes and send them to you...free of charge.

      Delete
  8. Unlike yours, Erik, we seem to have only non-venomous snakes, but they do give me the willies! Luckily, I have worked out the larger dog's "snake-alert" bark.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are four or five poisonous snakes in the state...basically moccasins (cottonmouths) and rattlesnakes. There are other vipers and coral snakes on the coast. We have tons of nonvenomous ones. We recently found out from the old occupants of our house (they built a new one just tow doors down) that used to be big nonpoisonous one living under out deck.
      No dog but two cats that keep the yard fairly well clean of anything a snake would want to eat. We live pretty close to the water and we take care down there.
      I saw that post on the snake.

      Delete