Friday, August 1, 2014

What the Shabbat?!

Gentle's right there in my profile. I kaynt spell. If it doesn't get a redline I don't look back...yeah, autofill presents problems and dangers for me....being in a blind rage doesn't help either.

I would just like to set the record straight Spliff, Scott...I am not Jewish. Martha is not Jewish and nothing that has happened has anything to do with the misconception, started by me, that we are.

What I meant to say was that I don't come from a GENTLE background....reasonable, peaceful, etc. I come from red-clay red necks and my immediate response to a situation like the one we are in now is to experience a raging almost poisonous surge of testosterone....burn something down and piss on it.

Buuuuuut.....while we're at, why not see if there's any plausibility to the claim. Maybe we can add anti-Semitism to the list of grievances.

Bartlam is a Midlands' derivation of Bartholomew. Bartholomew was one of the original apostles. He had to have been Jewish.

I am not a dispensationalist. I don't believe God has special deals with the nation of Israel (or any of the other wacky stuff that sometimes comes along with this belief).  We'll skip the theological setup and just get straight to the punchline...Christians are Jews. Since we are dealing with a soulless entity that can't genuinely claim Judaism or any other religion...

Now I'm even more madder...fightin' mad.

For the record Martha is Scottish and Irish...My family is almost entirely English (North west and  West Midlands to put a finer point on it)...but for the rare rouge Irish or Scottish branch sprouting crookedly from the tree.


  1. Ah, that explains it, already. Toda.

    Bubba is Yiddish for grandmother. What happened there?

    Anyway, shalom y'all back at you.

    1. I couldn't respond was Saturday.

      I'm really leanin' in to this thing.


    2. But I'm guessing the dietary requirements could be a bit of a stumbling block for you. My son's girl-friend is Jewish, she observes all the dietary rules - and she's a vegetarian who doesn't like quite a few kinds of vegetable. This doesn't make for a lot of choice. Or anything remotely worth eating, far as I can tell.

    3. Me and Spliff got this worked out....I'm going to present myself as ethnically Jewish but not a practicing religious Jew.

      I'm gonna eat ribs and bacon.

      That girl needs grits. I'm gonna do a video demonstration on how to properly prepare and serve grits. We need a food segment here.

  2. This autofill thing makes me laugh. One of these days I'm going to let my phone pick every word it 'thinks' I want to use before I've finished typing it and see what kind of message it results in. They're never the more likely, simple words. I mean, if I wanted to say 'pony', by the time I'd got to the 'n' it would have suggested 'pontification' - that kind of thing.... Not that I'm ever likely to want to send a text about a pony but you know what I meatball.

    Btw, the first boy I ever wanted to marry was Jewish. He had the lovely surname of Rosenberg and lived next door, but we moved away when I was three, so I never got to sample his bagels.

    1. Ha.

      There is one benefit to the autofill...Martha is very precise when she writes and it gets her sometimes. Because it would never occur to her that she's miswritten something, I can usually get a few confusing responses off before she figures out what's going on.

      I get some fundamentalization out of that.

      A shiksa!

  3. Did you know that when you are born you are automatically a that is the last true Religion....well that is what I was told when I worked in Saudi is only after Babtism etc that you become somthing else....guess that makes me Muslim as i have not been Baptised

    1. Alright then...Old Pa's fessed up.

      The rest of you muhamedians need to make yourselves known.

  4. That was a shame . . . I was hoping for a post where you dealt with the ethical and delicious implications of all the pork in your nation's cuisine.

    Speaking of, that reminds of a story about a Jewish guy I used to shiksa for back in Canada. His family were hard-left ethnic nationalists, fiercely secular but also fiercely Jewish - I'd say fiercely Israeli but they didn't live there and wouldn't let their kids serve in the military so I'm not going to try to pin that nationality on them. But they did have a house in Tel Aviv, and there is a street there named after the boy's pinko grandfather, who was some sort of pioneer of the state, and they did send all their kids to the city's dedicated Jewish private school.

    But being fiercely secular, they couldn't just send their kids to the school - which of course was very religious - and have done with it, oh no. They sent them, consistently, with some sort of pork or other in their packed lunches. The staff made this boy eat his lunch in a different room from all the other students. I've always thought that was a really crummy if hilarious thing to do to a child, but it gave him some advantages, I guess. He is the only person I know who goes into diners and orders big platefuls of nothing but bacon, and good Lord it makes him happy. A big plateful of nothing but bacon sounds good to all right-thinking people, but he enjoyed it in a rich, complex and rewarding way that you and I will never fully understand.

    1. One of the few people in my life who I count as a genuine friend is someone who is happy to be ethnically Jewish but he's not religious at all. His beloved cat is named Bacon. Ha.

      He and Dr. Hillman, our Allan, left town around the same time six years ago and I haven't been in a bar since. The three of us closed down Finnian's many times.

      Jews are sparse in these parts but not absent...there's a synagogue in town (which sometimes brings in Gospel's The South baby), a Jewish cemetery and a Jewish school. There's a great documentary about Jews in The South...I can't remember the name right now but, my favorite scene comes toward the end. The young Southern Jew that made the film is talking to his grandfather and asks...
      "Do you think of yourself as a Jew, an American or a Southerner?"
      The old man sucks on his teeth, shakes his head and laughs...he can't decide. I can tell you this though with some certainty...the American option wasn't worryin' his mind.