Sunday, April 12, 2015

There is Another Side

Just to reiterate the ultimate point of my last post...

"Y'all sent me on this terrible bachelorette party and all I got was a snakebite."

I rest my want surnames?

We know one of these fact, the Boy has spent the night at the family's house.

DISCLAIMER: as I know it will be of great interest to many of our readers, not only were no snakes harmed during the filming but they're probably saving many non-poisonous snakes from being killed in the drive way. They deal directly, and question, the normal reaction that any sane person would have to seeing a snake...which is to kill it without a second thought...and suggest that it's an irrational response.

Sorry I'm just gonna confess here...I will kill them if I see them. I guess I'm a horrible person but I have been chased, have looked into the beady abyss and seen what a snake bite does to a human leg. The only way I'll grab a snake is with a shotgun.

I love the rowdiness and the decay that can be found from one end of Dixie to the other. It's not only beautiful but it makes an important statement about the impermanence of material and the foolishness of putting any faith in it. There is another side though.

There is a grandeur to The South that I am often guilty of ignoring here. There is the beauty of the dogwoods and azaleas, the magnolias and loblollies...and the live oaks. The unassailable taste and quaint manners...the old money beauty of it.

Nowhere is this side more gorgeously realized than during the Master's Tournament at Augusta National in Georgia.

Martha is, at this very moment, balling as Justin Spieth, this year's winner, hugs his Momma.
It is a cathedral...glorifying the natural beauty of The South and it is a celebration of it's gentile mores. Five dollars will still get you a pimento cheese sandwich...yelling "YOU DA MAN" or "IN DA HOLE" will still you get you an escort off the grounds. Mind you're manners...this is Georgia not the U.S. Open. This morning, Nick Faldo...that's Sir Nick Faldo to you, said that, off the course, it's the greatest sporting event in the world. "On the course," it's the greatest "by a mile."

There's a Thursday afternoon every year in the Spring when I have to fight back the tears. It's not just the overwhelming Southern Beauty of the place, though that does crush, but the memories I have with my Daddy and now with my son...being crouched around the TV (this hasn't changed despite the size of the TV and crispness of the picture) anxiously watching a putt hug the meticulous contours of a green, past the pink azaleas...through the shadow of a dogwood in bloom...watching, covering our faces, peaking....

EDIT...The Boy climbed up in my lap this morning while waiting for his momma to finish getting dressed. He wanted to see the Snakegrabber videos...he's pretty pumped about Mr. Brent...then he wanted see the video of Augusta. He said something about playin there....I would walk buck naked from here to Augusta if it meant getting to play just one hole. I asked him so..."you gonna play there one day."
He turned his head and looked at me, with the most serious expression he could muster..."I am going to win a green jacket." At this point I have no reason to doubt him.


  1. I'll be back to watch the videos later - but, in the meantime, I just have to tell you right now that the photo of the statue has to be one of the loveliest images I have ever seen...

    1. That's from a plantation in St. Francisville...and it is gorgeous.

  2. C's right. If that statue hasn't been on the sleeve of a record yet, it should be. If The Boy makes it to the Masters one day, I'll forego my usual sport related apathy and gladly cheer him on (very politely of course) from the sidelines - especially as those particular sidelines are so glorious.

    1. These old plantations in st francisville are gorgeous. The canopied drives, the live oaks and Spanish moss are very stirring for me.

      Even your own living room we expect a certain level decorum. :)

  3. I'm fond of most snakes, even after four years in Australia. But rattlers and cottonmouths are another story. I guess poisonous snakes in Oz-land tend to be neurotoxic and when they don't kill you, which they typically don't because of how good the all the antivenin supplies are, you're gonna be good (snakes in PNG are much less poisonous than Australian snakes typically, while they lose dozens of people a year to snakes versus pretty much none in Oz). . . while from what I understand, the rattlers and cottonmouths rot you from the inside. Also their eyes are beadier. Nightmare creatures.

    1. Years ago I found myself at VA, in the emergency room, with what I thought was a spider bite (it was a staph infection...I had no idea how serious that was until the Dr told me I was being admitted)...anyway this kid, black kid, was rushed through the doors and taken straight back. A little rattle snake had crawled into his sleeping bag and bit the kid when he woke up and started stirring. His leg below his knee was swolled up bigger than his thigh...and yellow. I'm sure he's walking around today with a ripping scar from his ankle to his knee...that tissue can't be replaced.

      These boys have lost their minds. We have neighborhood clinics...bump, scrap and break, places...they used to have these billboards that beautifully expressed the Redneck ethos. It was a kid wearing goggles and a cracked helmet under a caption that read "Watch this Y'all."

      I would be shocked if this whole thing didn't begin with one of saying to the other "Hold my beer." If had grabbed the wrong snake....totally different kind of reality show.